COMES THE DAWN

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief
of a child,
And learn to build all your roads on today because
tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down
in midflight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...........
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn..........
With every goodbye you learn.

The Tragedy of Anna Nicole

So everyone wants to comment and everyone is the father of her daughter........Jump on the band wagon......Here goes the media once again making news and making money off the tragic life and death of yet another Hollywood celebrity. Even her own mother has boarded the wagon and lashed out against her own flesh and blood before her daughters body was even cold. Now that's tragic.......

No wonder poor Anna Nicole chose the path of life she did, looking for love and acceptance in a cold cruel world that only used her for their own gain. Love, caring and understanding that should have come from mom and dad. But no mom, you have to blast your face all over the media not in sorrow for your daughters tragic death. But to tear down the one ounce of dignity she might have gotten.......the love and caring of a mother. No matter what course of life Anna Nicole chose, you are still her mother. You are the one who brought her into this world. She (Anna) did not choose to be born, you made that decision for her, then let her down as a mother.

Do we forget that this was a human with a heart a soul and feelings. Or do we only paw at her for her beauty and her sex appeal for our own gain. Only to discard her as a promiscuous drug abuser when she no longer fills our need. To only judge her outward actions, yet never getting to know the heart and soul of the lost and lonely person inside

As with Marilyn Monroe, Hollywood has yet ruined and taken another life. Oh, and there are more to come. Just watch the news........we see it happening before our eyes. We call it entertainment. I call it tragic, a train wreck waiting to happen.

Whether we want to believe it or not, we are all striving for the same thing. The answer is right before us, but most choose to buy the lie of this world and the emptiness and loneliness it brings with it. We run endlessly to and fro searching, hoping that this lie the media, Hollywood, fame, fortune, beauty, wealth, sex, drugs and alcohol will bring us contentment. Sad thing is it only makes it worse. If all this brought the contentment, love and acceptance we're looking for, than why have so many died over it? Why are so many still seeking it but still miserable inside?

I have an answer, but most will just laugh at and mock me. You will tell me I don't know what I'm talking about and I believe a lie. For you I have just one thing to say; "I am still alive with my belief." What I believe isn't killing me or driving me to drugs to relieve the pain that life brings with it as poor Anna Nicole did. Why is it so hard for people to see that Anna Nicole used drugs to ease the pain of her tragic life. Yes, maybe a path of life she chose, but the question really is, why did she choose this path in the first place?

The tragedy of life is not death...........But what dies inside us while we live!

Meditate on that!

The Emperor and I

It was with much persuasion from my many Chinese friends that I decided to take a trip to China a few years back. As I live in a community that is becoming largely dominant by the Chinese and their culture, I thought I knew quite a lot about them. But what I was about to discover on my adventure would prove to be quite an eye opener about what I had always believed.

It all started as planned and as I had always imagined it. As I flew into Hong Kong the flickering lights of this beautiful city lite up the seaside as if it was a great jeweled city. More amazing than anything Elizabeth Taylor ever wore around her neck. As I departed from the plane, gathering my luggage, making my way for my ride to my hotel it all started to come alive. This beautiful city by the sea with the majestic mountain range as its backdrop was just stunning. More so than any picture I had ever seen. If this was just a precursor of my adventure in China than what ever could I expect to come...............................

The next morning I arose early to begin my tour of Hong Kong and month long tour of mainland China. Before I left this jeweled city of course I had to do some shopping, as so many of my Chinese friends have the most fabulous clothes they have bought here. I couldn't wait and yes I did do the old trick of packing a "large" folding tote in my luggage for things I might buy on vacation.

Oh, the shopping, dining, shopping, dining.......time to move on from Hong Kong before I over eat and over shop. Besides I still have Shanghai and Beijing to explore with all their great clothing stores as well.

So onward I go. Next stop, The Great Wall of China, and great it is. There is no way by a picture or a documentary on T.V. that you really can get the true impact of this wonder of the world. I'm in ah of the length, the architecture, again the beauty. Words can not give it justice. I can't believe I'm actually here. Walking this great wall............wow, I'm speechless.

As I continued my adventure north passing through many towns and cities including Shanghai and Beijing, (and yes I picked up a "few" outfits there also) I decided to make an unplanned stop. I had read about a small village bordering the area of Mongolia that had grabbed my interest. A somewhat remote yet modern and very wealthy region for this area.

It was a city hidden away among a vast mountain range, as if it was it's own country within a country. To even enter the city you have to drive through a very narrow opening that had been carved out of the huge mountain range that surrounds it. As I continued down the road I could start to see it. It was like something out of the days of the old Dynasty's when the Emperor ruled, only with a modern high tech touch. There were many buildings of marble and slate with high pillars that led to two story high mahogany doors that opened to what looked to be a palace.

There were many of them lining the streets everywhere I looked. The Chinese version of ranch style tract homes, I thought to myself. Then I saw far down the end of this street what looked to be like the Chinese version of Hearst Castle. It was massive, rising out of the horizon like an Oasis. This marble and glass Goliath monument which I found out had been built for the....Emperor? "This city has an Emperor", I said in astonishment. How could that be in this day and age. Was this a city lost in time, hidden away from the rest of mainland China? It appeared so. But what was most astonishing was the Emperor himself who I was about to meet at a dinner party I was lucky to be invited to that evening.

I was asked to dress in traditional attire from the old Dynasty as the Emperor was extremely particular about how one was dressed when entering his castle. Yet not to over dress as to over shadow his lovely wife. Luckily all the shopping I had done had not been in vain as I had picked up an outfit in Beijing I thought would be just right for the occasion.

The driveway to the huge estate was almost a half mile long, lined with large pine trees and statues of what looked to be like Greek gods. Interesting, I thought.......What to expect next, I thought as I parked and entered the gates to the estate. Many guests had already arrived and had gathered around a rather tall very white Caucasian man dressed in what looked to be that of traditional attire of an Emperor from the Royal Dynasty reign. "No," I said to myself, it couldn't possible be.........The Emperor? I gasped, this big white goofy looking guy? No way.........But to my amazement, it was true. As it turns out this big white goofy looking guy had come from Denmark years ago looking for his fortune in China. He found it alright.......In the family of his beautiful wife Yili. Seems whoever married her according to tradition would inherit the Kingdom and become the next Emperor. Emperor Randolph, they called him.

I decided I wasn't going to let this ruin my evening and would make the most of it. He was actually quiet a jovial fellow and his wife couldn't have been more gracious and lovely. Her devotion and love for him was more than obvious, however I was not sure of his for her. He basked in the glory of all the attention and admiration he got as Emperor of this small yet wealthy city. As for the money he married into.................well, you know the story, there all the same. Man meets wealthy beautiful woman, charms her, tells her he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. That he has never met anyone as unique, beautiful and wonderful as her. He can't imagine living his life without her, and on and on it goes. We fall for it every time.........................Why, when we know it's a lie? Because, we just want to believe that this guy might really love us and be the one who's being truthful and not just feeding us another line of b.s......Because for the most part women are honest with their feelings and can't understand all the drama behind the lies men tell us. When we say we love you, we actually mean it, it's not some mind control game for us. It's life, our lifes and it's real, not a game. We're not some toy to be discarded when your tired of your game with us, we're human, we feel and we have a heart. We will marry you because we love you, money or no money, good looks or no looks. If we love you, we love you. Money, looks or fame don't make us love you. We love the person you are inside not the mask on the outside.

I depart from China and Hong Kong leaving with me many fond memories and pictures to recall them by. I have learned some things new and have also learned that no matter how far I travel from home there will always be somewhere the great pretender masquerading as a faithful lover and devoted husband.

Rolling Gangsta With Aunt Christy, Part II

For the first part of this story, see my earlier post.

As it turns out, keeping my eye on the greasy-haired men was not where my eyes should have been. After mindlessly dancing the night away to the bad hip-hop music in an effort to make the most out of the sultry joint at which we had ended up, I noticed my niece had disappeared. As I dashed off the stage in a panic to find her, there she was surrounded by the bouncers and security. When I got a little closer I saw her wipe a tear from her eye, which was red and beginning to swell. "Mona," I said with a gasp. "What happened?" As she began to tell me her horrible ordeal in the lady's room, (where apparently the only lady in there was my niece), her tears turned into streams of terror, falling like Niagara Falls on her beautiful blouse.

Two Neanderthal women had for no apparent reason viciously attacked her -- throwing her up against the wall, pulling her hair back to hold her while the other slugged her in the face, and all the while trying to demean her with their filthy jabs in an effort to get her to hit back. My niece knew if she threw even one blow it would result in an all out brawl with the crowd at this sleazy joint. With her training in mind control she knew it was best to just ignore these obviously uneducated tramps as if she didn't even feel the fist in her face or hear the venom they were spewing.

As fate would have it one of the cocktail waitresses was in the lady's room at the time and ran to get security. Upon realizing an employee of the joint had witnessed their attack on my niece, the Neanderthal women fled from the lady's room in a flash. Not a moment too soon as they were just about to throw poor Mona to the floor. Thinking they had gotten away with their seedy attack, the Neanderthal women slunk back to their seats in none other than the VIP room, which as it turns out was right behind the stage where my niece and I had been dancing to the tunes of the bad hip-hop music. An even bigger surprise -- they had dates! What kind of a woman goes into the lady's room, attacks someone she doesn't even know, then slinks innocently back to her date as if she had done nothing other than powder her nose? I'll tell you what kind of a woman. A jealous, evil, white trash, (I can say that because I'm technically white) ignorant one -- with a bad hairdo.

It would appear that the reason for their attack was their jealous rage at their boyfriends' roaming eyes looking at my niece as she danced. Is it Mona's fault that their greasy dates have eyes for beauty, class, and brains? I should say not. With Security now in charge of the situation they were able to find the tramps and throw them out of the joint. However as I realized what had happened, and saw these tramps seizing at the fact they had been thrown out of the joint, my dark side began to rise up and take control. While the bouncers were scouting out the joint for these Neanderthals dates, they were still at the door where I could see them. As I approached the door, I was ready to fight, lay down my life for my niece. As I said to them, "Come on white trash, you think you're so tough, let's go at it. Let's see how tough you are now that it's on a level playing field," as security held the large women back, keeping what could have been an all out brawl to a low simmer. I could see her now frothing at the mouth like a crazed animal, trying to get at me as I sneered, "come on white trash." But it was of no use, by now several of the security had gathered around to shield Mona and I from these Neanderthals. Time to let it go and get out of this Hell Hole this town calls a night club.

Sad thing is, this is the town I grew up in, which is how we ended up there in the first place --visiting family that still lives there for the holidays. A town where years ago you could ride your horse to the local burger place and tie it up to the hitching post outside. A town where kids could play "kick the can" late into the evening with no fear of getting shot at or abducted. A town where everybody knew everybody and the high school didn't have a chain length fence around it. Not anymore. I don't recognize this town anymore. It's now like any other gang invested city where you're afraid to look a stranger in the eye for fear they'll shoot you. A town that's grown beyond it's capacity of streets due to the local city officials bad planning and greed.

This once small desert town where you came to get out of the crime and the hustle of the city. Where you came to relax, ride your horse in the open country, and breathe fresh air, is now gone and with it most of its rich history. Only to be replaced with another cookie cutter city. It's become almost a blur anymore as you drive from town to town; they all seem the same. How sad we live in a time where we throw away memories only to replace them with mindless nothingness. No culture, no uniqueness, no American heritage or history. How sad for the children being born today that they will never know the innocence of the time gone by.

The Roman Empire was destroyed from the inside out. They did it to themselves. Are we to become another nation destroyed from within? Seems so, how sad, how sad...........................

Wanted: Alive

Seems I've always had a fascination with the old days of the wild west. If there was really such a thing as reincarnation, then it is quite possible I could have been Annie Oakley in my previous life. I have always felt a bit out of place in the world I live in today. No matter how hard I try to find my place in this world, there is a tugging at my soul for those days gone by.

Days when men and women knew who they were and what their roles were and didn't spend countless hours trying to "find themselves." When America actually had a heritage of our own we were proud of, where we fought and worked hard for improving ourselves and didn't look for a handout from the government. Days when the law was actually laid down on the "bad guy" and we weren't afraid of offending someone for punishing them for their crime. Which brings me to Wyatt Earp.

Where is Wyatt when we need him and why can't I find a man like that today? So I decide to take a trip out to old Tombstone to get a glimpse of this once bustling wild west town. A town where the Earp brothers with the help of Ol Doc Holliday, laid down the law. When all of a sudden......there they were.....like a ghost from the past, Wyatt, Virgil, Morgan and Doc. I couldn't believe my eyes. Could it really be true or were my eyes just playing tricks on me? As the vision of them got closer and closer it became more clear and more real. My body was shaking with excitement, my heart was pounding. A dream come true.

Here I now was, standing face to face with my heroes of the old west. I was speechless, in ah, trembling with emotion. Then it happened. Wyatt reached out his hand to mine and gently held it up to his lips and kissed it. Not letting go, he looked deeply into my eyes as if he knew me. As if in another time and place we had shared a moment. A moment that had left us all too soon. Now here he was once again, again for only a moment. As I looked back into his deep blue eyes, he spoke. Strong, rugged and commanding attention was his tone, yet calming and caring. "Christy," he said, "never let go of your dreams, never let go of the yearning in your heart." "That is how we built the west and won the west." "Don't be afraid, good will in the end , always win out over evil." "We came to only remind you of what you already know, don't let the enemy rob you of your joy and the good things that are still with you."

I could feel the presence of someone behind me as Wyatt spoke. As I turned to see who it was all I saw was a flash of light but no one there. When I turned back around, Wyatt, Virgil, Morgan and Doc were gone. Vanished into thin air as if they had never been there at all. "What had just happened," I said to myself. I shook my head and continued my tour of Tombstone, this once bustling wild west town.

Several weeks later I received a small package in the mail with no return address or postage. When I opened it I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a picture of Wyatt, Virgil, Morgan, Doc and me under the OK Corral. A remembrance of that moment and a reminder that everything is going to be OK!

Rolling Gangsta With Aunt Christy, Part 1

So it turns out I have a dark side -- a real tough girl underneath this sweet exterior. I may be a petite, sexy, God-fearing woman, but I can really throw down with the rest of them. I am hardcore.

Note: Everything you will read on this blog is without a doubt completely true and entirely factual.

Picture this: It's New Year's Eve, and I have plans to go out with my equally sexy, though not quite as God-fearing, niece. We agree to meet at a classy joint, the name of which will be witheld to protect the identity of the innocent -- you know, one of those places where an extravagant number of 200-lb women wearing stretch lycra exposing their fleshy abdomens dance the night away to the sweet sounds of bad hip-hop music, a place where diversity reigns in the form of unattractive women with stringy hair bumping and grinding on one another as men with hair in odd places look on with love. A place where the more tattoos you have on your face, forearms, and neck, the cooler you are. And everyone is partying like it's 1999. Like I said -- a classy nightclub, only the best for my niece and me.

Not surprisingly, my niece and I found ourselves on the stage shortly after midnight, dancing as best we could, trying to compete with the large, pretend lesbians that shook the stage with every swivel of their hips, and trying to avoid the short, sweaty man who was convinced that he was meant to be my Latin lover. He danced terrible Salsa all over the stage in an effort to lure me into his grasp.

At some point, I noticed that a group of greasy-haired men below the stage were eyeing my niece and me, much to the chagrin of their girlfriends. I made a mental note to keep my eye on them . . .

TO BE CONTINUED